Insane Ideas With No Plot Whatsoever
by riynariddle
Summary: A collection of highly stupid and slightly pointless ficlets written when I was a) hyper, b) lacking sleep or c) just plain stupid. Enjoy! All flamersreviewerspointless rants welcome!
1. Teaspoons have feelings too

Disclaimer: I'm not jkr, yacka yacka yacka, socks!

Isn't it fun when you're bored, and very stupid ideas pop up into your head? This is one of those things, featuring bits from HP that has amused me and my own twisted imagination. Hurrah for insanity!

Chapter 1: In which Ron has the emotional capacity of a teaspoon… 

R*R: Ron and Hermione sat down for breakfast…

Hermione: Ron, I love you.

R*R: Ron felt very happy, and kissed her…

Ron: I feel happy (kissy noises)

R*R: Harry rushed in…

Harry: Ron! Would you like a go on my new broom, Firebolt 2000?

R*R: Ron felt excited…

Ron: I feel excited (rushes off to fly)

R*R: But the Slytherins were on the pitch too…

Draco: Nyah! I am a total bastard! Fear me!

R*R: Ron was very scared….

Ron: I feel fear.

Draco: I don't like you. Fear me!

Ron: I feel sad… _and _I feel fear! Emotional overload!

R*R: So Ron exploded, as he was a teaspoon.

The End.


	2. Ah! The joys of self insertion!

Disclaimer: See chapter 1.

Chapter 2: In which Riyna scares a lot of very nice people…

R*R: Ron and Hermione sat down for breakfast…

Ron: Harry, what are doing cowering under the table?

Harry: It's… it's…. _HER_! (cowers under table)

Everyone in the Great Hall: OH NO! NOT HER! 

R*R: And they were all so scared they ran away…

Everyone in the Great Hall: (runs away)

R*R: Except Harry, who was too busy cowering…

Harry: (cowers)

R*R: But then someone sneaked up behind him…

Riyna: BOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Harry: EGAD!!!!!!

R*R: And Harry was so scared, he ran away…

Harry: (runs away)

R*R: So Riyna had breakfast all to herself that morning…

Riyna: Yummy!

The End


	3. Die, Percy, Die! MWUAHAHAHAAAA!

Disclaimer: Blah blah blah…

Chapter 3: In which Percy doesn't recognise a joke…

R*R: Ron and Hermione sat down for breakfast…

Ron: What the…?

Hermione: OMIGODALMIGHTY! 

R*R: Percy didn't know what the problem was…

Percy: What's the problem?

R*R: But Ron and Hermione were too busy running away too pay Percy any attention…

Ron and Hermione: (run away)

R*R: So Percy just sat and stared at the strange thing that was dancing naked before him wearing Dobby's tea-cosy…

~SEVERAL DAYS LATER~

Percy: Now seriously guys, what's the problem?

The End


	4. Beware the strawberries

Disclaimer: Still not mine, get over it.

I can't be bothered to explain what I'm on about here, but basically I had a conversation with someone, which resulted in me being convinced that Harry is a closet strawberry-phobic… 

Chapter 2: In which Harry is a scaredy-cat… 

R*R: Ron and Hermione sat down for breakfast…

Ron: Hey, look! Strawberries!

R*R: Harry screamed…

Harry: STRAWBERRIES? WHERE? WHERE?? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! DON'T LET THEM GET ME!!!!

R*R: And he ran away…

Harry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! (runs away)

R*R: Leaving everyone in the Great Hall very confused…

Everyone in the Great Hall: How confusing…

The End


	5. One mans broom is another mans preciouss...

Disclaimer: Blah dee blah….

Chapter 4: In which Harry loves his broom…

R*R: Ron and Hermione sat down for breakfast…

Hermione: So then I says to Mabel, I says…

R*R: But Ron had noticed something was wrong…

Ron: I have noticed something is wrong.

Hermione: Indeed. For where is Harry?

R*R: So, being the troublesome Scooby-Dooesque kids that they are, they went to search for the missing youth. And where should their search take them, but the Broom Shed…?

Ron: Are you in there, Harry?

Harry: leave ussssssss alone!

R*R: So Ron, of course, went in…

Harry: NOOO!! ITS MINE!! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! IT'S MY PRECIOUSSSSSSS!!!!

Hermione: Harry…. It's a broom…

R*R: But Harry was very fond of his broom, and couldn't risk anyone taking it…

Harry: YOU SHALL NOT HAVE IT! IT'SS OURSSS!! PRECIOUSSSS!!

R*R: So he ran away….

Harry: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

R*R: And spent the rest of his days in the 4th floor broom closet…

The End


	6. Voldemort steals toast

Disclaimer: See all previous chapters…

Chapter 6: In which Voldemort jumps out of a barrel…

R*R: Ron and Hermione sat down for breakfast…

Ron: I get the feeling our life has become somewhat monotonous.

Hermione: Quite.

R*R: When they noticed that there was a barrel on the table between the jam and the toast…

Ron:  How odd.

Hermione: A barrel.

R*R: The barrel shuffled slightly…

Harry: Indeed.

R*R: Then suddenly…

Voldemort: **_BUUH!!!!!! MWUAHAHAHAAA!!!_**

**__**

R*R: Voldemort jumped out of the barrel….!!!!

Ron: How odd.

Harry: Indeed.

Hermione: Quite.

Voldemort: *ahem* BUH!

Harry: pass the jam, please.

R*R: So Voldemort stormed off in a huff, after stealing a slice of toast…

Voldemort: _Yoink!_

The End

A/N: R*R stands for Riyna*Riddle….


	7. Insightful discussions do not go well wi...

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!!! AHAHAAAAAA!!! OOH THE TWISTEDNESS!!!!!

Chapter 7: In which we discover what Magical People talk about when they're don't know they're being watched…

R*R: Ron and Hermione sat down for breakfast…

Hermione: I quite disagree. The meaning of life is to die!

Ron: But to die, one must live before!

Hermione: But- Oh wait. Shut up. We're on.

R*R: Ron was so embarrassed he hid behind his own foot…

Ron: Boy is my face red!

The End


	8. Pigwidgeon: Owl, Annoying Git, and SexGo...

Disclaimer: Yeah yeah yeah… Not mine. Don't rub it in.

Chapter 8: In which Pigwidgeon is George's One True Love…

R*R: Ron and Hermione sat down for breakfast…

Hermione: Pass the pickled gherkin, please.

R*R: Then Ron noticed something odd…

Ron: I have noticed something odd.

Hermione: Indeed.

R*R: For Pigwidgeon was blushing…

Pig: Oh, you!

George: My darling love! The ever-dreamsilk of my deepest sweetly-perfumed delights! Without you, speech is but a random syllable! Music but a crude noise! You are the light of my life! The fire in my heart! The starts in my skies, and blood that flows in my very veins! Pig, my One True Love, will you marry me?

Pig: Oh yes, yes, yes!

R*R: So Pig and George got married, and everyone in the great hall was very happy for them…

Everyone In The Great Hall: How happy we are!!!!

R*R: Except Harry…

Harry: *runs away* 

The End


	9. Blinking Harry lives!

Disclaimer: Ho hum. Must I repeat myself? 

Chapter 9: In which Harry blinks…

R*R: Ron and Hermione sat down for breakfast…

Ron: I have something to announce!

R*R: Indeed, Ron had something to announce, and stood on a chair…

Ron: *stands on a chair*

R*R: Everyone was listening…

Everyone: *listens*

Ron: I AM A PLUMDUFF!

R*R: Hermione jumped up…

Hermione: *jumps up* NOOO! A PLUMDUFF YOU CANNOT BE! FOR I AM…. _THE TERMINATOR!_

R*R: And Harry blinked…

Harry: *blink*

The End


	10. Why have chutney for breakfast when you ...

Disclaimer: Ho hum dee dum. Guess what, I own these not and make not a penny! Hoorah!

Chapter 10: In honour of  my lovely reviewer ?huh?

R*R: Ron and Hermione sat down for breakfast…

Harry: NOOO! NOT BREAKFAST AGAIN! 

Ron: INDEED! FOR BREAKFAST IS BORING! 

Hermione: LET US SIT DOWN FOR LUNCH!

The End 


End file.
